Marian Seldes: Envy, Anger, Spite

 

Interview with James Grissom/2006

"A student comes to me--or a young person who needs help--and I don't want to tell them about some of the things that await them. A gifted person comes to me, and I am inspired by all they have; their unique ability to analyze and share things--and then the day comes when fear strikes them, and it almost always surfaces as envy, anger, spite.

"I have always been more afraid of anger than I have of people on the street who might hurt me. People always told me to walk closer to the street, because doorways and alleys might hide people who would hurt or rob me. I'm more frightened of the dark alleys in our minds, where actions are waiting to jump out and force us to corrupt who we are.

"I found myself telling students that no one--no one at all--can take what is yours. You think a part was owed to you, belonged to you, and then it goes to another, and I have seen years of rage build up over this so-called slight. It is not a slight: It is a choice. It has nothing to do with your worth or your future. I know this. I fell apart many times until I got myself together over this. There are choices that await and they will favor you, but I don't think they can find you and rest upon you if you harbor this feeling that you are owed. Choices want to rest on the person or the place that will best serve them.

"Look, I don't care any longer that people think I'm odd. Loony. I hear what they say. I see their faces. I overheard someone--a press agent--say that I was from some other planet. I wanted to invite him to come spend some time on my planet, where I loved and respected him. Why did he feel he had to say that? On that same day, I overheard him sniping about this person or that person. He was rich with criticism, and I realized that I was alien to him. His thinking is alien to me. I don't understand it. We need to draw people toward and around us, not push them away.

"No one can really hurt you as deeply and as frequently as they hurt themselves. I remember when someone I thought was a friend said something so cruel to me, but I now know that the statement was not about me, and if I think of the action of this person as a need they have to feel better, to release some acid in their system, I don't feel hurt for anyone but them.

"Success depends so much on what you can and will ignore. Cruel and untrue things are said about all of us at some point. You know, and I know, what the truth is. We now know what their truth is as well: They hurt, and they need to bring someone to their planet of hurt and have a little company.

"I try very hard--as a discipline--to be kind and open, but I'm going to say this in a way you will not expect from me: I am not going near their shitty planet."

© 2022 James Grissom